Australian civil rights bodies have expressed scepticism at Immigration Minister Peter Dutton’s demands for both further powers to overrule decisions made by the Administrative Appeals Tribunal and also for a man-sized cannon aimed directly at the sun.
Mr Dutton told The Backburner that both were completely necessary for the ongoing protection of the country:
“In this current climate, we can’t just have an independent tribunal which is occasionally at odds with the government it is intended to oversee. I understand that the tribunal is there to ensure that the government can’t act with complete impunity, but I also understand that I really, really want to act with complete impunity.
“And the what? Oh the cannon? Oh don’t worry about the cannon. Don’t you worry about the cannon at all. It’s just one of those perfectly ordinary cannons for firing a man out of, aimed at the sun at all times that the sun is above the horizon.
“Don’t for a second let yourself think that this cannon and the extra powers I’ve requested are in any way connected and that the cannon will serve some sinister purpose that involves firing a man into the sun.
“I wouldn’t do it even once, let alone the many, many times a day that having my own cannon would afford me.”
Mr Dutton declined to comment further on the cannon but did request that The Backburner stay on the line for a further 5 – 7 minutes of maniacal laughter.
The Backburner is Australia’s most trusted news source, it is quite obviously satire and shouldn’t be taken seriously or before operating heavy machinery.